A Series of Unfortanute events, Voldielocks style
by SnapesPrincess
Summary: Join us as we take a walk through Voldielocks' days off. And Discover why he became known as Voldielocks
1. Chapter 1

Lord Voldielocks and Hair 2000.

Lord Voldemort was a complex evil doer. He dwelled on his plots and plans for killing Harry Potter. Such were his plans, he was annoying his faithful and somehow misguided Death Eaters, that Lucius Malfoy decided to treat the 'oh evil one' with a nice relaxing day out. Of course, Lucius Malfoy only knew two ways of relaxing and one of those included murdering and torturing muggles, the other, was the one he decided would suit the evil doer of Lord Voldemort best.

"My Lord," Lucius said in a low voice from beside the fire of Death Eater HQ. "I believe that you are ever so slightly stressed with the whole killing Potter situation and so i have booked you into Hair 2000 a very excellent Salon that guarantees total satisfaction..."

"Malfoy," Lord Voldemort spat irritatedly, "I have no hair!"

"Ah but my lord, my master, they do special wigs, custom made to your request, and they do facials and pedicures, make up and nails extensions..." Lucius reeled off a list of treatments which the salon offered.

"Please master, go to the appointment, for me, for us all, its our way of saying thank you for all you have done."

"Oh very well," Lord Voldemort snapped. "What time?"

"Today at twelve pm, be there or be square," Lucius smiled as he handed his master a small square appointment card with his details on it. With a flick of his long blond hair, Lucius left the room, not before popping his head back around the door. "Oh and my lord, i recommend you ask her the Paris Hilton wax and the Axel Rose wig, it would look splendid on you."

At exactly twelve o'clock that same day our Dark Lord pushed open a large blue framed glass plated door and entered Hair 2000. A tall blond headed girl with bright green eyes in a white shirt and trousers, greeted him at reception.

"Hello and welcome to Hair 2000, are you 'Oh Master Lord of evil and all?'" She asked.

"Umm, yes, yes i am he," Lord Voldemort said cautiously.

"Well, Welcome, My name is Lisa, and i shall be your Hairdresser today. Do you have any ideas of what you might like?" Lisa asked friendly taking in the bald head of Lord Voldemort.

"Um, a Paris Hilton wax?"

"Oh you, silly billy," Lisa laughed as she patted his arm.

"Do not touch me!" He snapped. " Do you know who i am? I am Lord Voldemort of all things great and evil!"

"Well Sir, follow me and we'll get you started," Lisa beamed not listening to him properly. "If you'd just take a seat here, and i will be back in a moment."

Lisa, guided Lord Voldemort to a black leather seat in front of a mirror and a lot of beauty products and hair accessories. Having left him alone for a second, she returned with a small pink trolley holding six slide out trays and a small collection of wigs. Smiling brightly, she deposited the wigs in front of the 'oldevilone.'

"Now, let's see if any of these catch your attention," She beamed and began t place a long dirty blond wig on to his bald head.

"And what if i don't want a wig?" He snapped.

"Oh don't be silly," Lisa laughed cheerfully. "Everybody wants hair!"

"Not everyone is a dumb blond," Lord Voldemort mumbled but Lisa did not hear him.

"Now, what do you think?" Lisa asked as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. "This is our Axel Rose wig, it looks ever so smashing on your head."

"You think?" He asked slightly taken aback, he began to finger a long golden blond in front of him. "Can i try this one one?"

"Of course," She smirked and picked up the wig which he had been playing with. "This is our Goldilocks wig."

"It's very nice, but just not evil enough," He sighed after Lisa had placed the wig upon his head. Stepping backwards she watched as he began to tilt his head in every direction.

Twenty minutes, eighteen discarded wigs two maybes and sixteen nos later, Lisa was beginning to lose her patience. In her left hand she held a pair of sharp silver scissors, her mind kept flicking to the option of cutting off Lord Voldemort's ear, but he had none, her eyes rolled over his face while her brain decided on what to cut off.

"Well what were you thinking?"

"I don't think! My Death Eaters think for me!" He spat.

"Listen, I've put up with your attitude long enough, stop acting like a big baby and make your mind up!" Lisa snapped and cut off his chin, or what was left of it.

"MY CHIN!" He roared and pulled out his wand, tapping the spot where his chin used to be, a new one grew. He turned to Lisa, and waved his wand wildly and angrily in the air.

"MY HAIR!" Lisa screamed as her blond hair turned snot green.

"Master!" Lucius cried as he pushed his way into the screaming fight. "Lower your wand master and count to ten."

"He's crazy!" Lisa sobbed dramatically as Lucius whacked her on the head with his wand, restoring her blond hair.

"Blondie cut off my chin!" Lord Voldemort wailed.

"You deserved it!"

"Enough!" Lucius roared. "Blondie, finish off his hair, then apologize. Master, sit still and let her di your wig."

"Grumble grumble grumble."

"Which wig do you want?" Lisa asked trying to calm herself down.

"Mumble mumble Blondie mumble mumble," He said pointing to the Goldilocks wig whilst Lucius watched on, ready to referee the pair. Lisa picked up the wig and attached it to Lord Voldemort's hair.

"Perhaps you could cut it?" Lucius suggested.

"No!" Lord Voldemort snapped. "Do not cut my new hair Blondie! Or else!"

"Well stop threatening me!" Lisa spat as she snipped off six inches of golden hair.

"Eeeyarrahhh!" Lord Voldemort screamed as the hair from his wig settled on his shoulders, the freshly cut hair fell from Lisa's hand. "What did you do that for?"

"My scissors slipped!"

"Let's all calm down again and count to ten," Lucius refereed thinking this was one of his worst ideas ever.

"Bet Blondie can't count," Lord Voldemort said childishly.

"Bet Voldielocks can't even kill a child!" She spat back.

"Ohhh!" Lucius cooed.

"Why is i had my..."

"-Mother, she would thank me!"

"Lucius kill her."

"No."

"What did you say?" Voldielocks asked in disbelief.

"I said no. Blondie is my personnel hairdresser," Lucius explained folding his arms across his chest, while Blondie stuck her tongue out.

"Fine!" Voldielocks sulked.

"How about i paint your nails? A nice red?" Blondie suggested and Voldielocks' eyes lit up with excitement.

"Blood red?"

"Yes."

"Will they be nice and shiny and evil looking?" He asked excitedly. "Oh and long, like claws?"

"Of course: She smiled and reached into the drawer third from the top of her trolley. Slowly, one by one she began to attach long acrylic false nails to his fingers and then slowly started to paint each one.

"You won't cut them will you?" He asked slightly scared as he admired his new nails.

"No," Blondie replied gently laying her hand on his arm. "You're all done Voldielocks."

"Thank you," Voldielocks replied gazing into her eyes. Quickly he fished inside of his robes and pulled out a small cared.

"What is this?" She asked as she led them to the door, Lucius walking ahead smirking.

"My phone number," He beamed.

"Oh, well, thank you. Now, how would you like to pay?" She smiled but both Lucius and Voldielocks were walking out of the door. "Um, Voldielocks you need to pay."

"I have, I'm allowing you to live, goodbye!"

And with that, the door shut with a snap behind them. Blondie stood still in amazement.


	2. Voldielocks gets some FLARE!

Voldielocks gets some FLARE!

Ah what a beautiful and joyous Saturday morning, the sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing happily in their trees and if you follow us very carefully, you will see a large house, rather run down looking in appearance, if we just sneak a peak though this front bedroom window, we can join our great and child friendly OldEvilOne on another day in the life of Lord Voldielocks.

The alarm clock was shaking itself in too almost destruction and pinged out its loud and annoying wake up ping across the small paint starved, neglected and and almost unfurnished bedroom. In this bedroom, stood only a large King Size four poster once mahogany colored bed.

Lying underneath of moth eaten uncared for green silk bedding, was a long body, that of Lord Voldielocks. A long arm crept out from under the duvet and groped around in the air for a few seconds, a bony hand found the alarm clock and with one swift move, the hand curled into a fist and slammed down hard into the poor defenseless alarm clock.

With broken pieces of the clock now all over the floorboards of the bedroom floor, Voldielocks sighed dramatically and pulled on a long blue cloak. At that moment his eyes lingered on the floor and he swore loudly.

"WORMTAIL!" He shouted and a small round man crawled out form under the bed and looked hopefully up at his master.

"Yes master?" Wormtail squeaked.

"Fix the clock, and without magic," He instructed in a hiss. And stalked out of the room.

Walking down the gloomy looking stairs and through the rundown hallway, Voldielocks burst into the kitchen where two of his faithfully dumb Death Eaters sat gossiping. Lucius Malfoy rose from his chair and handed over a long golden blond wig which Voldielocks dutifully attached to his head with relief to feel the hair falling down on his shoulders.

"Snape, make me a-" Voldielocks barked.

"Skinny decaffeinate latte with extra froth," Snape said on command as he handed over a large cup to his master and commander.

"Good," He said taking a deep drink of his latte and almost choking. "ITS HOT!"

"Well durrrhhh," Snape said as if his master was a three year old child, trying to conceal his giggle. However, our dear Voldielocks cursed him happily for ten minutes with the Cruciatus curse.

"Right, now that my fun is over and the day has begun, what is our plan for today?" Voldielocks asked Lucius who beamed happily.

"Well," Lucius began. "I thought we could go shopping in preparation for tonight."

"Whats happening tonight?" Voldielocks asked curiously.

"How can you forget! Its old Snapepoo's birthday!" Lucius cried excitedly.

"Oh, well, I'll just grab my cloak... Oh I'm wearing it, okay lets go," He said and allowed Lucius to pull him out of the house.

Twenty minuted later, after six attempts at driving a car, seven wrong turns and five minutes spent going around a roundabout, Lucius and Voldielocks arrived at a large shopping center. Climbing out of the car, which was parked on double yellow lines, Lucius led his master in to a large shop called Boots.

The crow shop made Voldielocks dig into his pocket in search of his wand, only to find the Lucius had removed it without him noticing, cursing under his breath, he followed Lucius down an aisle marked 'Hair Care."

"Here you go master, i think that Sheer Blond shampoo and conditioner will work perfectly on your hair," Lucius said shoving two bottles at his master. "Now, do you want some nail varnish?"

"Nail what?" Voldielocks asked pulling a face which said quite simply 'what on earth is nail varnish?'.

"Its for painting your finger and toe nails different colors, you don't want your lovely new nails to chip and lose their color now do you?"

"Um, no i guess not..."

"Hello, can i help you at all?" Asked a smiling brunette shop assistant with hazil eyes which held a small hint of brown in them.

"Oh hello, yes could you please direct us to your Nail Varnish section?" Lucius asked her.

"Of course, if you would like to follow me," She smiled.

"Thank you, Amy," he replied looking at her name badger, Voldielocks followed the pair as they headed to the Nail Varnish.

"Well, here you are, just call me if you need anything," Amy smiled and as she turned away Lucius stopped her.

"Actually, what color would you recommend for my friends nails?"

"Hmm," Amy thought for a moment before pulling at Voldie's hand. "I think maybe a nice Duck egg blue, it would complement your lovely hair more."

"You think? I don't really wants to have ducks on my fingers," Voldielocks said uncertain.

"Oh very witty," Amy laughed and handed him the nail vanish.

"Stupid duck girl," Voldielocks muttered as Lucius dragged him over to the pay tills.

"Now, do you have a Boots Advantage card?" Amy asked as she scanned the three items into her till.

"Oh wait one moment," Lucius said fishing in his pockets and pulling out a small white and pink card. "Here you go!"

"Wonderful, thats Fifteen pounds," Amy smiled and Lucius payed her. "Thank you, have a good day now."

"Thanks, and Goodbye," Lucius smiled and looked at Voldielocks who was hurrying out of the shop. "Um, Lord, don't you think you should thank Amy for her help?"

"Umm, yes, fine, whatever, thanks Ducky," Voldielocks said and raced form the shop and out of the shopping center. Lucius sighed, waved once more at Amy and followed his master who was now sitting dutifully in the passenger seat of the car.

"You have no manors," Lucius scolded his master. "I just cant take you anywhere with me these days with out you insulting innocent women who are there to help you, honestly!"

The queue for Sea Night Club was so long that it took it most of the street. But the Death Eaters and their master need not have worried. Lucius had gotten them all VIP passes for that night and led them past the outraged queuing clubbers to the main entrance doors where they payed their entrance fee's and sauntered inside.

Fourteen Beach Party cocktails later, the Death Eaters and Lord Voldielocks were slightly drunk. Actually they were so drunk that none of them could stop Snape, who was now performing the Cheeky Girls dance routine with sixty other dancers on the dance floor.

"Do you think, hiccup, that we should, hiccup, get snapeypoo and, hiccup, make him sit, hiccup, down?" Draco Malfoy asked as he downed a green aftershock.

"No, let him have strange people touch his bum, he is asking for it," Avery said, the only member of the group to appear still sober.

"Hiccup, rightio, hiccup hiccup, hippos, hiccup," Draco tried to say.

"Lucius your sprog is drunk," Wormtail giggled like the big girl that he was.

"Touch my bum, don't be shy," Snapeypoo slurred as he wobbled back to the table and his fellow death eaters. "We are the Cheeky girl, you are the cheeky boys..."

"Shut him up," Draco moaned.

"Has anyone seen our lord and master?" Avery asked his fellow inmates, some of whom, not mentioning no names, coughDracocough, had now fallen onto the floor and were looking up the skirts of women.

"No, but Lucius what is Lucius doing?" Snapeypoo sang merrily pointing at Lucius who was wearing a green leather thong and giving a brunette girl who looked suspiciously like Amy from Boots, a lap dance.

"Oh, hiccup, hippos, hiccup, have, hiccup hiccup, taken, hiccup, my, hiccup, drink, hiccup hiccup...blarrrggghhhhh," Draco puked all over Wormtail.

"Look!" Snapeypoo pointed out across the crowd and over at a large table in the far corner which had a large metal pole and a tall half naked man on top of it. "Its the oldevilone!"

"Oh i do not believe this," Avery muttered. "I don't have a camera!"

"I'm spinning arouuunnnddd," Voldielocks sang as he spun around the pole and gyrated in front six giggling women in only his pink y-fronts. "Move outta my way, i know you're feeling meeeee..."

"Off off off off offf," The women squealed and encouraged him to take off his briefs.

Just as Lord Voldielocks was seductively pulling at his briefs a large burly looking bouncer flung him over his shoulder and carried him out the night club, behind him was another bouncer carrying a protesting Lucius and behind him was the reaming Death Eaters looking somewhat ashamed and pretending that they did not know the two men.

And they almost got away with it until Lucius screamed and pointed in their direction.

"The almighty says he can get me outta this, but he's pretty sure you're fucked," Lucius screamed. "My fellow men will continue on in my place! Dance men DANNNCCCCCCCEEE!"

Within two seconds of Lucius shouting the remaining Death Eaters stood up and sulked from the club, all eyes on them as they followed the bouncers and Voldielocks and Lucius out into the crisp January night air.

The two bouncers, immediately dropped their pray onto the cold wet ground, Voldielocks landed in a small puddle and swore loudly and drunkenly as Lucius landed on the curb of the pavement only to roll off it giggling about his cold and almost numb bum.

And now, before we declare ourselves scared for life, we shall leave out hapless Death Eaters to their own devices and fate as we all sit back and wonder, just what exactly do we have in store for you next time. 


	3. Voldielocks goes to the ZOO

Voldielocks and his Day at the Zoo.

It was on a particularly bright and sunny Saturday morning when we found ourselves walking slowly behind the OldEvilOne in a large noisy Zoo.

Cages upon cages lined the small walk way as Lord Voldielocks and his bunch of ever so useless Death Eaters, followed Draco Malfoy, who was leading them through the crowd park.

"I wannna see the Hippos!" Lord Voldielocks whined as Draco stopped abruptly. Voldielocks and his Death Eaters walked straight into his back.

"OUCH!" Draco screamed as seven bodies slammed repeatedly into him. "Right, Over there! Hippos!"

Voldielocks's eyes lit up with delight as he ran like a little boy over to the small barrier of the hippo enclosure. Leaning over he saw a small woman standing underneath an arch covered in white roses. She stood tall in her purple wedding dress, which appeared to be covered in very small hippo pictures.

Beside her stood a large man wearing a penguin suit, his large blue head and long spiky brown hair was what caught Voldielocks attention. Leaning further over the barrier, he toppled head first into the pit as his Death Eaters watched on.

"Oh," the small woman gasped as she saw Voldielocks trying to stand up, she turned to a small girl wearing a tight long dress made purely from tinfoil, next to her and smiled. "Lisa, go and help him, be swift though, we are starting in a moment."

"Okay Elfster," Lisa said, as her dark hair bounced off her back as she hurried to assist Voldielocks. "Take my hand."

"What?" He asked as he realised he was sat in a small pond, he extended his hand and grabbed hers, she pulled him swiftly to his feet and smiled. Just then Wormtail came hurtling over the barrier and landed into the pit. Voldielocks looked down at him angrily. "What are you doing?"

"Rescuing you master!" Wormtail squeaked as Lucius and Snape fell into the pit as well.

"I do not need rescued!" Voldielocks screamed as he stamped his feet.

"Shush!" Barked a tall girl with short brown hair as she stormed over to the small group. Her hair was pulled back off her face as she glared at them all.

"Who do you think you're telling to shush?" Voldielocks demanded of her. "Look at you, stupid Muggle dressed in a black bin bag! What is this? A fancy dress party?"

"EXCUSE ME!" She roared, her face red with anger as Lisa hid behind Snape. "This is a grand wedding! I am Flisan, bridesmaid and F.Y.I, The Queen Elfster Sharon is marrying King Hippo Mick today and you... you and your bunch of idiots have gatecrashed!"

"There is no gate so how could we gate crash?" Snape pointed out.

"Please, everyone," Queen Elfster Sharon said in a calm soothing voice as she interrupted what was looking to be a good fight. "The wedding is going to begin now. Gentlemen, would you care to join us?"

"We'd love tooo!" Lucius said kissing her hand and leading her back to the small archway. The other followed.

The wedding, which was being conducted by a giant Hippo in priest robes, began. Standing beside Sharon were Lisa and Flisan, both standing proud. Beside Mick stood Wormtail, Voldielocks and Lucius.

Hanging from Mick's mouth appeared to be Severus Snape!

"If the groooom would refrain from eating the man..." Hippo priest said in a croaky voice.

"I nobber ebbing immmd..." Mick protested with his mouth still full before removing Snape's head. "I said, I wasn't eating him, I was merely have a small chew, I do that when I am nervous."

"Mick darling, five more minutes and it's over, we can go and party," Sharon said gently laying a hand on his arm. "Continue please."

Quick as a flash, the priest declared the happy and hungry couple husband and wife. Smiling and waving at the crowd which had gathered above them, Sharon threw her bouquet over her shoulder and squealed with delight as Lisa and Flisan fought tooth and nail over the flowers.

Ignoring the scuffle, Mick lifted up Sharon's dress and pulled off a purple furry garter, he threw it over his shoulder and clapped as Wormtail excitedly jumped around with it in his hand. Lisa and Flisan both stopped fighting over the bouquet as they realised who had caught the garter.

"Well hello ladies," Wormtail tried to say seductively but it came out in a squeak. "My name is Peter, now which one of you lovely ladies is going to be my wife?"

"ARGH!" Both girls screamed and pointed at each other before looking at each other angrily.

"You have him!" Lisa declared trying to walk away, but Flisan pulled her back.

"No, you!" Flisan snapped, shoving Lisa hard.

"You!"

"You!"

"I SAID YOU!" Lisa roared and pushed Flisan so hard she fell into Wormtail and began to cry, Lisa strolled away to talk with Lucius and Voldielocks who were following the newlyweds.

Meanwhile, as Voldielocks and three of his Death Eaters watched the wedding, Draco had wondered off, being followed by the remaining Death Eaters. They stood outside the Lion Cages and took pictures of each other as they pretended to put their heads on the lion's mouth.

Of course, it wouldn't be a normal day for our desperately dumb Death Eaters, if one of them didn't get into trouble.

"Um... HELP!" Crabbe Jr. shouted as the Lion, whose mouth his head was in, began to swallow him. "MALFOY!"

"Why on earth did you do that? You stupid great big brute of a cat!" Draco roared at the Lion who had just eaten Crabbe. The Lion, who appeared to be grinning at Malfoy, crunched down on the last of Crabbe's bones before burping in Draco's face, he opened his mouth once more, mocking Draco. "RUN!"

Unaware that he had just lost one of his stupid Death Eaters, Voldielocks was partying at the wedding reception. He had danced with Lisa and Sharon before sitting down, to gaze at Wormtail and a struggling Flisan kissing.

The party lasted right up until dawn, when Voldielocks and his three Death Eaters crawled out of the reception and back into the zoo. Singing merrily, they failed to notice the Death Eaters which had been left behind, huddled together cold and crying.

"What ever is wrong with my little Death Nibblers?" Voldielocks asked in a drunken singsong voice. Draco lifted his tear-stained face and spoke quietly.

"Lion, it ate Crabbe... And then they Polar Bears mocked us with their and then the Birds tried to peck our brains out and...whaaaaaaaaa!" Draco burst out into fresh hysterical tears.

"Bubblegum," Was all Voldielocks had to say as he fell over and passed out.

And that is where she shall leave our fearless Lord Voldielocks and his Death Nibblers. Until next time, sleep tight and don't let the Lion bite. 


	4. The Whispers in his Ears is us

A/N: We do not own anything except for us. All song lyrics are by Britney Spears, and we apologise in advance.

The Whispers in his Ears is us!

Once again, we find ourselves following Lord Voldielocks and nimble Death Nibblers. We are pretty sure that it s late at night as we everywhere is dark and…oh.  
A concert! YES! We get to see... Britney Spears? Oh god, our favourite OldEvilOne has no taste in music! And we cannot escape! WAIT! I have idea!

As the clouded hot foggy room begins to flash with bright lights from the stage, a tall blonde girl, AKA Britney, starts dancing on the stage whilst singing. We are standing beside Voldielocks who is singing a long, word for word and shaking his botty to the beat.

Whispering words of encouragement into the ear of our lord, we somehow persuade him to climb onto the edge of the stage. And there he stands, as we snicker at his tight leather pants and green boob tube, Voldielocks pats his blond wig and dives forward into the sea of screaming ten year olds, and we stare open mouthed as hands upon hands, carry him over their heads.

"At last, I rule!" We hear him shout as he disappears from view.

Before we can start causing more trouble, we notice that Wormtail, desperate to play follow the leader, has also climbed onto the stage, he dived like his master into the fans, except this time, much to our own amusement, he lands, squish squash bang onto the cold concrete that is the arena floor.

As we try to make our exit from this concert, with our eardrums still intact we spot Voldielocks and Lucius gyrating on the stage, following Britney's dance routine. Suddenly, we are pulled onto stage by the force which binds us to Voldielocks, thankfully though, we are not seen, nor can we be seen. As our Lord continues to dance, we take a walk around the stage and smile as we notice two back up singers, who are pilfering equipment whilst singing.

A small woman is glaring at them, trying to hold her anger in place. Suddenly as the song ends, and Britney takes a quick costume break, Voldielocks ad Lucius continue dancing to the 'she'll be three minutes as she changes into another skimpy outfit' music. The small woman marches onto the stage and clicks off the two microphones of the man and woman who are the pilfering back up singers.

"Roman! Lily! What on earth do you think you are doing!" She barked at them, thankful of the thirty screaming fans that cannot hear her. Lily, the female singer smiled innocently.

"Well, you see Marie, we are just borrowing these bits of equipment, you know, like you do," Lily smiled brightly.

"You're not borrowing anything! You are stealing!" Marie snapped as she tugged at Roman's pants which fell down to reveal hidden home made pockets all over his legs, each pocket was full. "I ought to fire you both right now!"

"But you wont," Roman said cockily.

"I will!"

"No, you won't, because you need us, I mean come on, Britney can't sing, we are the ones the fans are here to see."

Marie quickly looked at Lucius and Voldielocks before marching up to them and whispering in their ears, with gleeful smiles on their faces, they followed her back to Lily and Roman. Marie looked proud of herself as she screamed at the two backup singers.

"YOU'RE FIRED!"

"No we are not," Lily said happily, but her smile fell as Lucius and Voldielocks pushed her and Roman away from the microphones and began to warm up their own voices.

"You are, and meet your replacements, Lucius and Voldie," Marie smiled before summoning two burly looking bodyguards onto the stage who happily pulled a protesting Roman and Lily off the stage.

"Ooops I did it again..." Lucius sang and smiled at Marie. "Yes, I think we are ready for our debut!"

"Good, if you look down, you will see the song play list, so you will know what songs are to be sung and when, now, on with the show!" She declared and switched their mics on just as Britney made her entrance again.

"All right everyone!" Britney screeched into her headset. "You all know this song! Lets dance!"

"Oh baby, baby," She sang and Lucius and Voldie joined in as they took hold of their microphones and started to walk into centre stage, singing along. Britney was now on to the chorus, in her school uniform, dancing wildly.

"My loneliness is killing me I must confess, I still believe When I'm not with you I lose my mind Give me a sign Hit me baby one more time..." Lucius and Voldie sang along while dancing behind Britney. But before she knew what had hit her (Lucius's bum), Voldie and Lucius had walked to the edge of the stage and launched into verse two, singing badly and off key.

"Oh baby, baby The reason I breathe is you Boy you got me blinded Oh baby, baby There's nothing that I wouldn't do That's not the way I planned it Show me, how you want it to be Tell me baby 'Cause I need to know now what we've got," They squealed through their mics. Britney just stood still looking perplexed at the events that were unfolding before her.

Seven hours later, one jointly massive headache and crowd of new Death Nibblers, the concert was over. We followed Voldielocks and his band of merry idiots into the back stage area where Britney was stood crying because her show had been hijacked, but no one seemed to care. Marie rushed up to Voldie and Lucius.

"Oh my, how wonderfully brilliant!" She cooed. "Please, would you like to join us on the rest of the tour?"

"Umm, no," Voldielocks said as he looked down at her. "We have to take over the world my dear, but until next time!"

The following morning, Voldielocks was woken by hundreds of screams filtering through his cracked bedroom window. Pulling himself out of bed, he noticed that it was only six a.m. and swore loudly. He sleepily walked over to the window and looked out. Standing hunched together were hundreds of screaming little girls, all wanting their new idol and hero. Signs and banners waved madly above some of their heads and he squinted to see what the said.

'We Forever Love You!' 'You are my HERO!' 'MARRY ME!'

"WORMTAIL! He screamed and turned around just as the fat balding man crawled out from under the OldEvilOne's bed.

"Yes master?"

"Kill them all," He said lazily before walking downstairs to the kitchen, where he found Lucius signing a pile of photographs and Draco, who was holding a bunch of already signed pictures making his way to the back door. "What is going on?"

"Father is giving them all signed pictures of himself so that they will go away," Draco said as he flung open the backdoor and walked into the screaming girls, handing out pictures.

"Oh well," Voldie groaned and summoned a bunch of photographs of himself before summoning a quill and signing them all 'Love The Dark Lord.'

"Draco," Lucius shouted and Draco re-emerged into the kitchen. "Here you go, that's them all done and signed.

"Okay Father," Draco said and picked up the pile of photographs.

"Here," Voldie said and handed over his freshly signed photos. "Hand these out as well."

"Yes master," Draco said, and off he went.

Ten minutes later, Draco entered the kitchen once more, his clothes torn and his cheek bloody and scratched. Everyone looked at him.

"Did they do that to you?" Lucius asked as he realised all was quiet outside.

"Yes, right before someone began to kill them," Draco said and pointed to the door. "You have about seven hundred dead teenage girls outside my lord, I didn't see who killed them all though."

"WORMTAIL!" Voldie roared as his wig fell from his head and landed onto of the gas cooker, which was turned on. No one noticed the burning blond hair until it was too late, and Voldielocks was no more. His pride and joy was gone and as we leave him and his tears, Lucius can be seen quickly dialling the telephone number for the hairdressers. 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thankies to everyone who has read and reviewed the previous four chapters to date, we apologise for any oddities which have been appearing as Lillianna has decided to become a real life Voldielocks and work Etta to the bone! As usual we do not own anything anyone anyplace and last but not least any brains, big thankies to DucktheDuck for being our Beta (like she has a choice! hahahaha)  
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Chapter Five  
Voldielocks off on Holiday

It was a beautiful hot day on the white sands of Skegness, where we join our kind and lovely, ever so helping Voldielocks where he is laying on a beach towel getting a tan.  
As he closed his eyes to relax in the hot sun, a shadow cast over him, blocking out his chances of a tan, flicking his eyes open quickly, he looked up to see a tall man with long blonde hair and charming young lady swooning over his arm.

"Lucius, Marie," Voldielocks said through gritted teeth as he recognised the couple.

"Master," Lucius said happily." We just wanted to stop by and let you know our honeymoon is going great on Mars and there is a knobbly knees competition happening in the community centre at the resort in thirty minutes."

"How very kind of you to inform me, now bugger off," Voldie snapped.

"Just so you know, you should put some sun block on your nose so that it doesn't blister and grow extremely larger then normal," Marie quipped as she skipped off with Lucius.

"Stupid women, they should be extinct!" He muttered, not noticing a small blonde headed girl looming near his feet.

As he closed his eyes once more, inhaled deeply let out a long low pitiful sigh and began to slip into a light snooze.

At that same moment the little girl was instructing a rather large cheeky looking crab, indicting with her fingers to the crab where to clamp its claw, our ever so evil one let out a howl which could have woke the aliens living on Uranus.

"ARGH GARG ARGH!!!" He roared as the crab clamped its claw down on his big toe.

Bolting upright he leaned down to his feet, picked the crab up and tossed it with one almighty throw into the sea. The little girl burst into wild tears. A woman who Voldie vaguely recognised came marching up to glaring at him for a second before realising who he was. Bending down over the child she spoke softly.

"Flissy," Voldie grunted.

"Ana, come to Mummy my poor little darling," Flissy cooed. "Now you need to leave this man alone otherwise Mr Wormtail won't become your new daddy."

"Grumble mumble grumble," Voldie muttered as Flissy picked Ana up and carried her away.

Tempting fate once more, he closed his eyes and lay back down on the sand, starting to relax he seemed to drift off into a soft sleep.

"MINE! It's mine I tell you!" Screamed a tall dark blonde haired girl with brown eyes as she wrestled around on the sand with a small girl who had blonde hair and blue eyes, but who also appeared to resemble a dwarf.

"No its not! ARGH! ELLY DON'T BITE!"

"Well give it back!" Elly roared as she put the other girl in a headlock.

"No! Its mine! Finders keepers, losers weepers!"

"BECKY!" Elly screamed as Becky slammed her knee into Elly's stomach. Scrambling to her feet, Becky waited for Elly to stand up before running at her, spearing her in the stomach and back onto the sand.

"HA!" Becky cheered triumph as she held a small shell in her hand.

"Give me a break!" Voldielocks roared jumping to his feet and stamping off towards his room at the resort.

Having slept for three hours, Voldielocks peeled himself off the soggy mattress, which was his bed and left the room, leaving behind his prized wig.

Walking slowly down through the resort streets he stood to a stand still as his eyes lingered over a large dome shaped building. Elly, the girl from the beach was standing outside. Her eyes fell on Voldielocks and his bare chest, cut-off denim shorts and bald head. She smiled inwardly as her brain screamed 'perfect'.

"Excuse me sir," Elly said approaching our fearless leader. "May I ask if you have an intentions of partaking in the competition which is about to be held in the community hall?"

"What, huh, eh?" Voldielocks gabbled. "What competition?"

"The um, best sun burn competition sir, you need someone under the age of fourteen to enter you and since my dad has done a bunk to Spain with my mum, I need someone - and the prize of seven nights in the Caribbean for the adult and a weeks stalking, accommodation included, of any band of the child's choice seems ideal for me, so how do you feel?" She asked him.

"Sure! Why not!" Voldielocks said as he rolled the idea of staying on an island far away from noisy kids and harassed parents for a week around his head.

"Brilliant, come with me and I'll sign you in, Dad," She winked at him and took hold of his hand before leading him inside the dome.

The cool air hit Voldielocks like an ice cube in his boxers as he walked through the foyer and into the large hall, where Elly left him for a moment before returning with a number. Leading him to the stage she fastened the number one to his shorts leg and gave him the thumbs up before jumping down and running off to a seat in the centre of the audience. Voldielocks looked around and pulled a strained smile at the seventeen other men who were taking part.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the sixteenth annual Skegness Knobbly Knees competition! First up is Mr V Locks, entered into the competition by his only daughter, Elly!" Cried a tall man wearing a penguin suit, into a microphone, Voldie was immediately pushed out onto stage and a large spotlight fell onto his knees. Inside his head, his small brain was trying to work out who to kill first, the two hundred strong audience of the guy on the mic. "Mr Locks, please, would you kindly tell us what your hobbies are?"

"Well, I do particularly enjoy Muggle killing, animal slaughters, going to the movies, oh and the zoo! And lets not forget clubbing and of course the all essential visit to Hair 2000 - my hairdressers!" Voldie said happily, deciding he would have the prize no matter what it was.

"The hairdressers? Oh I see! Hahahaha, very, very amusing," The guy said laughing as Voldie looked at him puzzled before touching his head, his face fell.

"My WIG!" He roared.

"Yes, yes, my wig, my wig, my kingdom for a wig!" The guy laughed, as did the audience. "Everybody please give it up for Mr Locks!"

An hour later Voldie was walking out of the hall, slightly drunk but happy of his newly acclaimed tiara, sash, and the title of Mr Knobbly knees 2006. Behind him, Elly skipped as she held her handcuffed hand out in the air the begrudging hand of Harry from McFly, who she had won as a prize for having the father with the best knobbly knees.

"Yo, Mr V!" She shouted at his back and Voldielocks turned around.

"Ah you!" He said as he swayed his hips on the spot.

"Yeah, me, listen thanks for letting me enter you, I love Harry here, so now I am going to take him home!" She said happily.

"No you're not," Voldie smiled as he pulled out his wand. "I forgot to punish you for your little stunt."

"But you can't take my prize home with you! We are handcuffed together!" She cried and pointed to a pleading Harry who seemed to want anything that allowed him to escape.

"Avada Kedavra," Voldielocks said, his wand aimed at Harry who fell over dead, taking Elly to the ground with him. "Toodles!"

Voldielocks waved goodbye to the screaming Elly as he swayed back to his room and his beloved wig.

A/N: Congrats on reaching the end of the chappie, sorry it's been so long on the updates, but we were running out of ideas, and Etta is still dealing with the devastating loss of Charmed, poor thing doesnt know who she is anymore, ALSO SHE BROKE HER COMPUTER!!! r&r and i'll make sure she never breaks another computer in her life! Lillianna


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: firstly we would like to say (It's all Etta's fault!) that we are very very very very very very - can you see how sorry we are?- sorry that we have broken Lucius's heart… we do not own anyone, only Mrs Grawp, she just doesn't know it yet. A very big I LOVE YOU to the dear SWIFTY!!!! (Lillianna has her fingers crossed praying for a slow pain filled punishment from Swifty to Etta some time soon.) Big thankies to our poor insufferable (only joking) Beta Miss Amy, who is at the moment wondering what she has let herself in for when she said she would beta these fics… Poor soul, so far we have only made her life a misery (that's because she forgets my name! - That's because your always shooting off to London and never on the site and leave all the hard work to ME!) Oooops. Oh and we do not own Ned Flanders or his girly scream, they belong solely to The Simpson's (Homer has a sign on his wall in his bathroom which says so!) 

Chapter Six  
Mrs Grawp.

"La, la, la, lala, laaaaa," Voldielocks hummed to himself as he waltzed around the bedroom of his rundown headquarters. He was unaware of the sniggering coming from the other side of the door.

"Oh my god," Snapeypoo sniggered. "I wonder if he is waltzing with his imaginary friend."

"Ssshh," Lucius said, trying to control himself. "Right, that's enough, move."

Snapeypoo and Lucius ran from the door and downstairs to the kitchen where they burst out laughing like hyenas on laughing gas. The Death Nibblers which were present looked at the two men with curious expressions. Unable to talk, the men pointed up to the ceiling and the Death Nibblers burst from the kitchen only to return six minutes later, all holding in their laughter. The giggle fit started.

"Yoo-hoo Nibblerlys!!!" An old woman cried from the back door as she barged into the house. She stood looking at her new 'friends' and beamed a toothless grin. Some of the Death Nibblers who had somehow managed to control their giggles looked down at the batty old woman's legs and burst into fresh bouts out laughter.

She wore stockings which had fallen down to her ankles, an old bed coat over her 'we love the hippos' t-shirt, and a pair of 'Forever Kill The Muggles' shorts which she had bought off Voldielocks three days ago at the streets car boot sale. No one had yet informed her that the shorts were in fact boxer shorts.

"Miss Chan!" Lucius cried, covering his laugher. "Lovely to see you again, how are you?"

"MARRIED!" She squealed before suddenly hugging all of the choking Death Nibblers.

"Married?" Snapeypoo echoed. "But who would want to marry you? OUCH!"

"Ignore him, he's old," Lucius grinned, having just stamped on Snapeypoo's foot. "So who is the lucky, lucky, lucky man?"

"His name is Grawp Hagrid… I think…He's not from England… Can't speak a word of English and is always shouting Hermy… I think that's his pet name for me," The new Mrs Grawp replied, completely oblivious to the silent laughter passing between the Death Nibblers.

"Grawp… What a lovely name," Lucius said choking back his own laughter.

"So, is HE," She said loudly indicating to the ceiling. "In? I'd best break the news gently."

"I do believe he was about to take a bath, maybe it would be best for you to call back later…" Snapeypoo said.

"Nonsense! It's not like I haven't seen any of it before!" Mrs Grawp grinned and bounced out of the kitchen, making her way upstairs, sounding like a wounded elephant as she went.

"Do you think we should…?" Wormtail said but trailed off.

"Noooo," The Death Nibblers said bursting into newer fresh giggling fits.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Voldielocks was now singing and dancing in the bathroom as he prepared to climb into his hot bubble bath. Because he was listening to an ipod which he had stolen off a small child that same morning, he never heard Mrs Grawp stamping her way upstairs.

"I'm Beautiful…" Voldielocks sang. "He saw my smile…."

"YOO-HOO!" Mrs Grawp boomed as she smashed the bathroom off its hinges. Taken, completely by surprise, Voldielocks fell backwards into the bath, screaming like a girl.

"Miss Chan!" He spluttered having just swallowed a mouth full of bath water, his eyes wide with horror. "Get out!"

"It's Mrs Grawp now, Voldielocks, sorry but I couldn't hang around waiting for you forever," She beamed sympathetically. "I do hope you understand."

"Umm… Yes..." Voldie replied, slightly shocked that anyone would marry the batty old woman in front of him. "Could you please get out of my bathroom?"

"No."

"No?" Voldie repeated, the colour draining from his already pale face.

"That's right, no," Mrs Grawp smiled, reaching out a hand to touch his bare shoulder. "We must talk about this."

"About what?"

"This… My marrying another man," She said as she began to pace the bathroom floor. Reaching into the pocket of her bed coat she pulled out a pair of reading glasses and placed them on her face. "You, see, when a man loses the woman he loves to another man, by offering to marry her, protect her, yada, yada, yada…."

"Miss Chan…I mean Mrs Grawp… Please don't psycho-analyze me," Voldielocks muttered, but she simply ignored him.

"It is not right Voldielocks to keep all this raw bitter heart breaking emotion locked up inside of you," She said, standing still in front of him, a sincere look on her face. "Please, tell me your feelings."

"I… Well … I am devastated," Voldielocks lied and Mrs Grawp appeared to be buying it. "I mean, of course I was terribly in love with you, but I guess in the end, the best man -"

"Giant," Mrs Grawp corrected him.

"Err, yes, giant, well the best giant won in the end, the very first battle I have lost…"

"No," She said suddenly, her gaze fixed on the pair of boxer shorts hanging from ceiling. "You have lost more then one battle, there was the time you couldn't kill Harry Potter, and oh lets not forget the fight with Dumbledore…."

"Yes, well, minor details," Voldielocks said annoyed. "As I was saying, the best giant won and I am now forced into being happy for you, after all, that is all I have ever wanted, was your happiness."

"Oh Voldielocks!" she cried before kissing him passionately, as soon as she turned away, he began spitting into the bath. "Please my darling love, do not tell my husband of this kiss, we must forget it ever happened… I shall leave now and never return."

"Yes, you do that," He said as she left. He sank down into his bath and sighed.

The following morning, Lord Voldielocks had an intense feeling of someone starring at him as he slept. He opened his eyes slowly and screamed a Ned Flanders worthy scream, jumped and pulled the bed clothes up to his chin and looked in horror as every inch of his body shook with fear.

"I have decided," Mrs Grawp informed him, wearing only her bloomers and bra. "It is you who my heart belongs to, so I have come to you, I have left my husband for you!"

"You shouldn't have," Voldielocks gasped as she began to climb up onto the bed, her eyes glinting mischievously. "Please, Mrs Grawp, return to your husband…"

"I'LL KILL HIM AND THEN HER AND THEN I'LL HIM AGAIN!" roared Lucius from the hallway, Voldielocks said a silent prayer of relief and flung himself out of bed, pulled on his pink Parisian silk dressing gown and flung open his bedroom door to find Lucius crying into the arms of Snapeypoo.

"What's happened?" Voldielocks asked as Mrs Grawp pressed herself up against his body, he shuddered and felt sick.

"Lucius caught his new wife in bed with a werewolf," Snapeypoo said with a shrug as he patted Lucius on the back.

"Greyback?" Voldielocks asked looking impressed.

"Lupin!" Lucius cried and Mrs Grawp pushed past Voldielocks, shoved Snapeypoo so hard that he rolled backwards and fell down the stairs and pulled Lucius into her chest.

"There, there dear," She soothed. "Marie was confuggled I am sure!"

"No she wasn't!" Lucius screamed hysterically. "She has always loved him, I know it now, and it makes sense! She would call out 'fluffy hunk' in her sleep and when I asked her about it she said she was dreaming of me, her fluffy hunk, but now I KNOW!"

"When ones heart belongs to another…" Mrs Grawp said but Lucius cried harder, she was now dripping in tears and snot.

"Promise me, Mrs Grawp, you will never leave your husband in this unbearable pain!" He begged his eyes red and puffy as they gazed up at her. "No man should suffer this pain, it will surely kill me!"

"Oh there, there my dear," She said softly. "Of course I won't leave my husband, but you must promise that you will not kill yourself! Poor Draco needs his handsome father to show him how to attract pretty girls."

"Okay," Lucius said. "If you mean it, then make the Unbreakable Vow."

"I'll be your binder!" Voldielocks said eagerly pulling out his wand. The Vow was made and with one last desperation filled look, Mrs Grawp fled the house.

"I think this means I am no longer on punishment," Lucius said standing up and pointing a wand at himself before turning to Snapeypoo who was lying spread eagled at the foot of the stairs. "In future Master, try to not attract the crazy women, it is hard enough keeping Bellatrix under control, let alone Mrs Grawp."

"You… Not true?" Voldielocks gasped.

"Of course its not!" Snapeypoo shouted from the floor where he was now sitting, with Draco pulling faces behind his back. "Marie has more sense then to sleep with Lupin."

"Yeah," Draco added. "For starters she hasn't been caught by father yet."

"WHAT?" Lucius roared and then vanished.

A/N: We regret to inform our faithful Death Nibblers that this Lord Voldielocks story is coming to an end because we argue too much and our men think we should be locked away for a bit, also, our Psychiatrist thinks it would be best if we did not share a little padded cell for a while, in case we try to strangle each other again with jelly babies. SO! If you want more random nonsense from us, please leave a review threatening a painful death upon Etta. Thank you, Lillianna.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven.  
In the Still of the Night.

"One thousand seven hundred and fifty three Galleon's on our heads?" asked a small blond hair woman with big vivid violet eyes and ears the size of the F.A cup trophy's handles. "Is that all we're worth?"

"Shut up Fairy," muttered the tall girl with long waist length pink hair, her bright yellow eyes shining in the moonlight. "Someone will hear you and just think, that's an awful lot of money to a person like oh I don't know say thedeadone!"

"Ah but Princess," grinned Fairy as her ears pricked up and stood on end. "How will we get our revenge?"

"Lets send our dear Voldielocks a computer," Smiled Princess wickedly. "That should drive him insane.

And so we did.

Lord Voldielocks had been dancing in front of the bathroom mirror once more when there was a knock on the front door. He stopped dancing and listened as one of his Death Nibblers answered the door quickly.

"My lord," Lucius sighed as he struggled upstairs with a heavy box. "This has just arrived, addressed to you with a small note."

"Give me that," snapped Voldielocks as he ripped the envelope open and read the note. He pointed at a corner of his bedroom for Lucius to drop the box. "Oh I won!"

"Won what?"

"It doesn't say, all is says is congratulations you have won a state of the art desktop computer, please set up at once to find further details of your award … Well what are you waiting for? Set it up!"

"But I know nothing about…."

"Dooo it," growled Voldielocks as he hopped from one foot to the other with excitement. Lucius finally set the computer up and turned it on for the Dark Lord.

"There," Lucius said as he quickly backed out of the room.

"What the …" gasped Voldie.

"We just want to tell you  
How wonderfully bad you are  
For no-one like you  
Could crash a parked car.  
Oh his hair is fake  
And he loves us all  
We give you this wonderful  
Waterfall…." Sang two high pitched voices from the computer and as soon as the song had finished, Lord Voldielocks found himself soaking wet, courtesy of the Waterfall which was now in his bedroom.

After seven hours, Voldielocks and his forever useless Death Nibblers had finally vanished the waterfall and somehow connected the computer to the internet. Thinking he was very popular, theoldevilone began surfing the net.

It was just after two o'clock in the morning when the Death Nibblers were awoken by their master screaming and swearing loudly. One second later calmness washed over the old house, the only thing which could be heard was the rhythmic tapping of a keyboard.

"Have you read this morning's paper?" asked Snapeypoo as he entered the kitchen with a yawn the following morning.

"Nope," replied Lucius as he forced a nappy on Draco. "Am I featured?"

"No," said Snapeypoo as he stared at Lucius. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Draco wet the bed last night …"

"I split my drink!" Protested Draco.

"Excuses boy, will not be tolerated," snapped Lucius a he super glued the nappy to his sons behind. "If you act like a baby, you shall be treated like one."

"You are weird," Snapeypoo muttered as he helped himself to coffee. "It says in the paper that almost three hundred thousand muggles died last night."

"Excellent, how?" asked Lucius with a smile.

"No-one is sure, but their bodies were found slumped over computers."

"Do you think…."

"Nah, couldn't be … That's far too intelligent for hi," he replied pointing to the ceiling. "Then again …"

"MORNING!" boomed the little woman who had just fallen into the kitchen.

"Hello Mrs Grawp," the three Death Nibblers chorused.

"Just popped in to ask if you had any intention of putting up Christmas decorations this year? The whole street has and I do have a spare tree or ten if you needed one," smiled the toothless Mrs Grawp, the mad as a hatter next door neighbour.

"Master said we could this year," danced Snapeypoo excitedly. "I'm planning on having a line of trees all decorated outside the front door, and I plan on baking cookies for the carol singers, we're being nice this year, we wont be accidentally killing people."

"Unless they sing out of key!" giggled Draco.

"Oh how wonderful! Do shout if you need any help, won't you dear?" asked Mrs Grawp.

"Of course I will!"

"We three queens of Eldon Square," sang to familiar looking women. Snapeypoo and Draco stood at the front door cheering them on. "Selling knickers ten pence a pairrr, they're fantastic with no elastic ….. Buy your granny a pair!"

"Oh wonderful!" Applauded Draco.

"You brought a tear to my eye!" cried Snapeypoo as he handed over a box of cookies.

"Thank you!" beamed the two as they skipped down the drive way.

"Weren't they familiar," sighed Draco.

"Yes, you know, they almost remind me of those two little pests …"

"Uh oh," Draco groaned pointing to the lawn where the two girls had just dropped something.

That something turned out to be a match on the petrol soaked grass which now spelt out "Voldielocks is as scary as a kitten!" Snapeypoo looked over his shoulder as Voldie pounded down the stairs and out into the front garden.

"I'll kill you both!" He roared waving his fist in the air at the two who were laughing like hyenas. "Death Eaters, arm yourselves! We're going to war!" growled Voldie as he pushed back into the house to change out of his 'we love gnomes' t-shirt.

The dreadful incident which shook the world occurred on December 24th. Whilst preparing the turkey for Christmas dinner Fairy found herself shoved into the oven, roasted for forty five minutes before being pulled out choking and gasping for air. Her violet eyes fell in sync with the eyes of her uninvited guest as he forced her into a cauldron.

"Oh what a night, late December back in laaa laaaa I remember what a night, laaaa la lllaaaaaaa!" sang Lord Voldielocks as he began chopping the vegetables for his newly created dish, Fairy Fried Rice.

It was to be the last anyone ever heard from Fairy as she was served up the Death Nibblers. And so here I am, all alone, but I am prepared. Voldielocks won't get me, I'm not stupid enough to answer the door.

Ding Dong

"Siiiiillllllleeeeeennnnntttttttt nnnnnnnniiiiiiggggghhhhhhhtttttttt,"

Oh Carole singers! Won't be long!

Finally, The End.

A/N: We said we were ending this and we did, Lillianna happily roasted me then boiled me, how kind she is D R&R ppl!


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